Introduction
Today, after many requests I would like to share a story of one of my first awakening insights that has led me to becoming a teacher.
For a long time, sharing personal spiritual awakening experiences was considered something best kept private. Many teachers focused solely on techniques and doctrines, leaving their own inner journeys largely unspoken. Today, that is changing.
More and more people are opening up about what actually happens on a spiritual path – not to show off, but to offer guidance and reassurance. Hearing how insights arise in real lives can help others recognise their own experiences and stay motivated on the journey. Which is why I am writing this blog – and may do more later.
The Setting: The Final Days of a Long Meditation Retreat
This particular awakening experience took place around 17–18 years ago, during the final days of a long meditation retreat.
At the time, I was genuinely looking forward to going home and seeing loved ones. And yet, at the same time, I was also happy to still be on retreat, enjoying the simplicity and freedom from responsibilities.
This balance is important. There was appreciation and happiness, but not grasping or clinging. In meditation practice, this difference is crucial.
From Gentle Contentment to Profound Joy
So it was with the background happiness that I started my practice.
As the practice deepened and thoughts faded, the subtle happiness that had been quietly present began to grow. It was not based on any active daydreaming, fantasy, or deliberate positive thinking. Instead, it slowly expanded into a powerful, sustained feeling of joy.
This joy:
Was far greater than the usual pleasant feeling you might get from thinking, ‘I can’t wait to see my family.’
Felt deeper and more stable than ordinary worldly pleasures.
Persisted for a surprisingly long time during the meditation.
It was simply there – a profound, radiant joy arising seemingly from nowhere in particular.
The experience itself, like all experiences, eventually passed. But what truly mattered was the insight that came with it.
The Core Insight: Joy Comes From Within
Out of this profound meditation experience arose a clear, unshakeable understanding:
Joy does not fundamentally come from external circumstances. It arises from the mind itself.
In that moment, it became obvious that:
- The mind is capable of generating far more joy than most people realize.
- This inner joy can be deeper and more stable than the happiness we chase through holidays, possessions, achievements, or sensory pleasures.
- What we usually consider ‘sources of happiness’ in everyday life are often just triggers that allow the mind’s own capacity for joy to surface.
Spiritual teachings from many traditions point to this same truth: genuine, lasting happiness comes from within. It is a quality of the mind, not something the outside world can permanently provide.
This retreat experience did not just confirm an idea intellectually; it turned an abstract teaching into lived reality. From that point on, I stopped primarily looking outward to fulfill desires and began turning inward, focusing on cultivating happiness directly in the mind.
Outward vs. Inward: Where Are You Looking for Happiness?
Most of us are trained from childhood to seek happiness outside ourselves:
- The next holiday
- The next relationship
- The next promotion
- The next purchase
We may get brief bursts of pleasure, but they fade. Then we chase the next thing.
This awakening experience highlighted a different approach:
- Outward focus: ‘When I get that, then I will be happy.’
- Inward focus: ‘How can I cultivate joy, peace, and clarity right here in my own mind and heart?’
This was my shift.
How to Cultivate Inner Joy in Your Own Practice
You may be wondering: how can I experience this kind of inner joy myself?
While no one can force or guarantee a specific experience, you can create the conditions that make inner joy more likely to arise. Here are some practical suggestions inspired by the story.
1. Create Space for Deep Practice
- Set aside regular time for meditation, even if it is just 10–30 minutes a day.
- Occasionally, give yourself a mini-retreat: a half-day or full day offline, in silence, with simple mindful activities.
- Reduce distractions to allow the mind to settle.
2. Cultivate Non-Clinging Happiness
The key at the start of the story was a gentle, non-grasping happiness:
- It is fine to look forward to things – seeing loved ones, resting, enjoying life.
- The problem is not happiness, but clinging: ‘I must have this or I cannot be okay.’
Practice enjoying pleasant experiences without needing to hold onto them. Let them come and go. This relaxed contentment supports deeper states of joy.
3. Stay with the Body or the Breath
- Sit comfortably, with your spine upright but relaxed.
- Bring attention to the natural flow of the breath, or to sensations in the body.
- When thoughts arise, gently return to your chosen focus.
Over time, the mind becomes quieter and more stable. In that stillness, subtle happiness can begin to shine through.
4. Allow Joy, Don’t Chase It
Inner joy often arises when we stop chasing it directly:
- Focus on the practice, not on trying to manufacture a particular feeling.
- If pleasant sensations or joy appear, acknowledge them and let them be, without gripping.
- Trust that joy is a natural expression of a calm and collected mind.
5. Reflect on Where Happiness Truly Comes From
When you do feel happy – whether in meditation or daily life – take a moment to look more deeply:
- Is this joy really coming from the object or situation?
- Or is the situation simply allowing the mind’s own capacity for happiness to reveal itself?
This simple contemplation can gradually shift your belief from ‘happiness comes from the outside’ to ‘happiness is generated from within.’
The Power of Guidance and Community
And now that I have had this experience it is was inspires me to guide others to similar insight. Which is why I created the mentor program. I am not trying to impose this on anyone – but it is there if someone feels the inspriation to “wake up”.
But whether or not you join a formal program, consider seeking:
- A trusted teacher or mentor who embodies the qualities you aspire to
- A small group of like-minded practitioners
- A community where inner growth, meditation, and awakening are spoken about honestly
Being seen, guided, and encouraged by others can help you stay committed and deepen your understanding of your own experiences.
Looking Within Instead of Looking Without
This early awakening experience on retreat planted a powerful seed: stop seeking ultimate fulfillment outside, and start looking within.
The key insights to take away are:
- Deep, lasting happiness is primarily self-generated.
- Joy is a quality of the mind, not a product you buy or an achievement you earn.
- Balanced, non-clinging happiness supports deeper meditation and insight.
- Awakening can unfold gradually, through many smaller realizations over time.
- With practice, guidance, and patience, you too can discover a well of inner joy and peace.
If this story resonates with you, let it be a gentle reminder the next time you meditate, or the next time you notice yourself chasing happiness in the next external thing. Pause, breathe, and turn inward.
The doorway to joy is already within you. Your practice is simply learning how to walk through it.
